These are good questions, and the answers can be different for every couple. Among the most common reasons people experience difficulties during the engagement period are:

• Expectations are high. The wedding is a big day. Naturally, you want everything to be perfect. If your vision conflicts with that of your fiancé, your family or your fiancé’s family, difficulties can arise. Also, during the engagement period you might buy into the myth that you are supposed to be happy all the time. This common belief causes many brides and grooms to panic when they experience the inevitable conflict and feelings that surround this major life change.

• Your relationship with your family is in transition. The engagement period is the beginning of significant changes in your relationship with your parents and siblings. You are officially shifting your loyalty from your parents to your partner. This transition can bring up many feelings such as grief and loss. Many of these feelings get projected into the details of the wedding and cause frustrating power struggles that might seem petty on the surface, but that have a deeper meaning that needs to be explored.

• You are changing. You and your fiancé are defining yourselves in a new way, as individuals and as a couple. Change is exciting, but it can also bring up uncomfortable feelings of fear, grief and loss. You may find that you need extra support dealing with these feelings during the engagement period.

The challenges that you face during the engagement period present a powerful opportunity to proactively resolve issues with each other and your families before they impact your marriage. The period of time leading up to a rite of passage is known as “hinges of time” where all family relationships unlock and there is great potential for healing and transformation.  It becomes easier than at any other time to reorganize, reconnect, and redefine relationships.

Want some tips for dealing with pre-wedding stress? Read Julia's article published in the Spring 2004 issue of "Brideworld": What You Can Do to CONQUER Pre-Wedding Stress
 

Other Engagement Counseling Services & Resources

• For Parents of the Bride/Groom - Julia also offers private counseling sessions for parents of the bride and/or groom who are also going through a transition and might be having difficulty letting go and accepting a new person into the family. Contact Julia for more information.
   
• 4-Session Engagement Counseling Series - Learn how to transform wedding-related tensions to into a greater connection and gain lifelong communication techniques.
   
• Understanding Wedding Stress: A published article by Julia P. Kantor that provides helpful hints for dealing with the wedding stress.